I want to talk honestly about marriage—and about the things people don’t always tell you before you say “I do.”
Every day is not going to be a walk in the park.
Your spouse is not going to make you happy every single day.
You have to be happy within yourself first in order to truly experience happiness in marriage. Expecting another person to be your constant source of joy will only lead to disappointment. Marriage adds to your life—it doesn’t complete what you haven’t worked through within yourself.
Marriage is the process of fitting two completely different lives and upbringings into one. And sometimes, that process is painful.
It’s like snapping a bone back into place that has come out of the socket. Even though it belongs there, putting it back in place can hurt. Marriage works the same way. Becoming one doesn’t always feel good—but it’s necessary for alignment.
Marriage is about having a partner—someone who is willing to walk with you for the long haul. Someone who is willing to be understanding, compromise, communicate, and work together to solve problems. And there will be many problems to solve. But they are all overcomeable with the right partner.
Marriage isn’t about one person doing better than the other. It’s about partnership. It’s about creating goals together and working together to achieve them.
Every day is not going to be a fifty-fifty effort.
Some days you may only have 20% to give, and your partner will have to cover the rest. Other days, it will be the opposite. Maybe one day you go to work and cook dinner when you get home, while your spouse cleans, takes care of the kids, and also works. The effort will not always be split evenly—and that’s okay.
Marriage requires denying self and thinking of the other person first. Sometimes it even means pausing personal goals to do what’s best for the marriage as a whole. That’s not loss—that’s commitment.
One of the harder conversations people avoid is this: What happens when you were raised in two completely different households with totally different upbringings?
Marriage isn’t about who was raised “right.”
It’s about working together to find a middle ground.
It’s about merging those upbringings, not competing with them.
You can’t be ready to quit in the middle of the process of becoming one.
Yes, it can be painful at times—but it is also beautiful when you truly learn how to walk together.
To my ladies: men want to love, provide, and protect. Sometimes they overestimate their capabilities—not because they want to lie or hurt you, but because they genuinely want to be able to do those things for you. When you discover that your spouse may not meet an expectation they once believed they could, don’t pack up and leave. Work through it.
Marriage is such a beautiful thing. Don’t let the process of becoming one turn you away from it. Don’t quit in the middle of the process.
The work is real—but so is the reward.