I’m going to be real.
I got tired of church.
Not God… but church.
I went through a season of unbelief. What once felt powerful started to feel programmed and repetitive. It felt like I could predict every part of the service before it even happened.
And somewhere in that, I started to disconnect.
When Things Stopped Making Sense
I began to notice things that didn’t sit right with me.
It felt like people were placing more respect on their favorite pastors and preachers than they were on God.
That made me start questioning everything.
I started to doubt tithes and offering.
I started to believe I could do the bare minimum and God would still bless me.
I started to believe, “It don’t take all that!”
Then my thinking shifted even more.
I started to feel like the only way things would work out for me was if I worked for it.
Like everything depended on my effort.
When Hustle Took Over
Church started to feel like it was taking time away from me working and pursuing my dreams.
And because I wasn’t seeing the fruit of my labor… I pulled back.
I started doing the bare minimum.
Not just in church—but spiritually.
When Hurt Made Me Withdraw
On top of that, people in the church hurt me.
And instead of dealing with it, I withdrew.
I didn’t want to get close to anyone.
I didn’t want to serve in ways that required me to trust people.
I told myself I was protecting my heart.
But really, I was isolating myself.
I stopped wanting to:
- Evangelize
- Speak
- Encourage others
Because I felt like I wasn’t helping anyone.
I felt stuck.
Like I wasn’t going anywhere.
When I Started Believing the Wrong Things
I began to question if I was even on the right path.
Then my focus shifted completely.
I told myself I needed to focus on “real life”—on getting out of financial pressure.
And just like that… ministry took a backseat.
My new focus became:
- Protecting my heart
- Protecting my time
- Protecting my finances
But the truth is…
I was trying to do all of that without God.
I stopped believing that God could bless me without my effort.
I started believing I had to do everything in my own strength to get ahead.
And eventually, I believed this lie:
Serving God is a waste of time.
There’s no real benefit to it.
The Turning Point
But here’s what changed everything for me:
God didn’t let me walk away.
He pursued me.
Even when I was distant.
Even when I was doubting.
Even when I was doing the bare minimum.
He kept reaching for me.
How God Got My Attention
God started sending me messages of hope—through social media, through people, through moments I couldn’t ignore.
Then one day, my pastor called me out and reminded me:
“You are needed.”
And that hit me.
Because in my mind, I had already counted myself out.
What I Didn’t Understand About That Season
I was in a season where everything felt still.
Unproductive.
Like nothing was moving.
And I thought that meant I was doing something wrong.
But God showed me something different.
He was saying:
“Ashley, I don’t need your effort… I need your availability.”
That stillness I felt?
That unproductivity at work?
That was God trying to get my attention.
He was creating space for me to be available to Him.
The Moment That Broke My Unbelief
Then something happened that I couldn’t ignore.
I received a raise at my job.
Unexpectedly.
And honestly… I felt undeserving.
Because in my mind, I hadn’t done anything to earn it.
And that’s when it hit me:
That was God.
God was showing me:
“I don’t need your effort to bless you.”
He was speaking directly to my unbelief.
This Is Your Sign
If you’re reading this…
This is not by accident.
God is pursuing you too.
Yes—you.
Even if:
- You’ve been hurt in church
- You feel disconnected
- You’re tired
- You’ve started to drift
God has need of you.
Don’t let the enemy convince you that your time serving God is in vain.
Because it’s not.
God sees. And He rewards.
Stay Available
If things feel still… stay available.
If things feel unproductive… stay available.
If you’ve been hurt… don’t run away—let God heal you.
Because sometimes the very season that feels like nothing is happening…
Is the season where God is trying to get your attention the most.
You’re not forgotten.
You’re not wasting your time.
God still wants you.
And He’s still calling you.